Man Rule of the Day #87

Man Rule #87: When a friends girlfriend questions you about his whereabouts or any other information that may incriminate him, play dumb.

Guy Sneaking out

Stop Humming The James Bond Theme!

Alright Guys,
This is a classic situation. John’s gone out with the mates and possibly told his lady that he’d be at the nursing home volunteering. After not coming home at around 1am, she starts to worry and, in true woman-detective fashion, calls his friends to figure out if he took the group of grannies clubbing.

Look gent’s, this isn’t her fault either, nor is it yours. She’s worried about her man rubbing it up with 85 year old sex machines, and you are worried about getting your friend in trouble. That’s why all Man Card carrying Men should always have stories to go off of when the little lady calls. Here are a few to keep in your back pocket for just such an emergency:

  • “He was called in by the fire department to help find a lost cat up a tree.” – A classic that not only makes her feel at ease, but it causes her to reflect on what a wonderful guy she has and will probably result in him getting some. You’re not only saving his ass, you’re doing him a service.
  • “Our friend (insert name here) fell while we were feeding the homeless and broke his leg, so he took him to the emergency room.” – Now this one is tricky. You are getting a third party involved, and you should inform him of what he has been looped into. A better option is to name a friend whom does not really exist, and therefore cannot be questioned later.
  • “While we were walking to (insert religious service of your choice here), he saw a bunch of gang members picking on a little kid and went to do something about it!” – Now this is a versatile excuse guys. While it cannot be used often, this not only shows that the entire group had good intentions for the night, but it also can cover up a bar fight or any drunken cuts and bruises than you may have accumulated.
  • “He was hit by a delivery truck carrying a shipment of glitter to Party City” – Thats right guys, simple, believable, and wholly effective to cover up stripper glitter.

Guys, we’ve given you the tools, now use them wisely.

Comment with your own excuse stories either using these or your own!

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