Zombiepocolypse tips for survival

So the Zombiepocolypse is upon us, no worries the men of Official Man Card have you covered. Here are some tools that are necessary for the survival of not just you but your loved ones during this trying time. Follow these guidelines and maybe you can join us in the re-population of the world.

Be Prepared –  This is not a rule or a tip this my friends is just common knowledge. Yeah I know its the old boy scouts motto but during a zombie attack this becomes far more prevalent because who wants to lose their life over a something as simple as preparedness?  Fellow Man Simon already showed you the Zombiepocolypse ride of choice in the Knight XV. I am here to offer up some weapons to show those zombies who is boss.

To you sir I give you the AR-15 assault rifle with…wait for it…a fully functional chainsaw bayonet. this is an amazing weapon that is really two amazing weapons. Getting low on ammo and some ugly ass zombie is trying to make you its next ribwich? Simply saw that son of a bitches head clean off or for effect and bonus man points simply go head to toe and saw that zombies ass in half…well thats what I would do.

The second weapon I would suggest is an axe…yes an axe because its often small, compact, can be carried on your back and can easily lop off a zombie head, arms, legs…well you get the point.

The final two guns I would suggest are the Remington 1740 because that shotgun is truly badass and I would suggest The Heckler & Koch USP because that handgun is like a arm cannon, and can do some serious damage to approaching zombies.

Because surviving the Zombiepocolypse requires more than just weapons and a cool ride here are some other tips to survive becoming dinner for the munchy, crunchy creatures of the night.

1. Stick together – this one I cannot stress enough, we have all seen the movies…we all know what happens when someone decides “we should split up..or I just want to be alone.” Yep you guessed it…people die and they usually die a horribly painful or gory death too. So as the Reverend Al Green said “Let’s Stay Together”
2. Don’t be picky on food or shelter – We are trying to survive here so stop your bitching about what you want to eat and just eat what we have, and I am sorry that zombies have taken over the four seasons hotel and now we are stuck in the woods or sewer. Suck it up and be thankful we found a place to sit down that is not overrun by dead people trying to eat us okay.
3. Risky/suicidal behavior – Are you kidding me! you are going to risk my life for a fucking snack cake or you want to go to the amusement park…no asshole pull that shit and I will kill you myself.
4. Sleep in shifts – For obvious reasons surviving requires you to be alert and aware but if you cannot sleep then you are vulnerable so an easy fix is find a safe and secure place to spend the night and using your friends, family, or people you meet and trust along the way take turns getting some sleep.
5. Get some “head” – If at all possible lop off zombie heads or just blow them off with your gun aim high, never low zombies cannot feast if they have no mouth right.
6. Be a MAN – Just because the end of the world is upon you that is still no reason to act like a bitch. Zombiepocolypse or not you act like a bitch and I will still revoke your Man Card…and by revoke I mean I will snap your neck…bullets are for zombies not bitches.
7. Protect yourself and everyone else at all times! – If you get bit by a zombie speak up, yes we will kill you but we will do it as peaceful as possible. Don’t be one of those tools that think they will be ok or that it will pass…no you are stupid, got bit, and now you are one of them therefore must die. Remember there is no”I” in team, but there is one in sacrifice. So just do the right thing.
8. Win one way or the other – Finally if it appears all is lost, and you are down to one last bullet and zombies are outside your door. Feel free to take yourself out because sometimes losing happens and its far better to go out on your terms then on theirs.

I know there are rules I am missing but these were just the more important ones. Feel free to add anything I may have missed or that you feel as important. Again in the face of the Zombiepocolypse stay manly.