I Need a HandJob

While I realize this is more of a personal note rather than a blog post, I feel that you, our hilarious and lazy readers, and I have a close enough friendship that we can talk about these things. Guys, long story short, I need a handjob. Oh don’t avert your eyes like its the first time someone has said that to you, or the first time you’ve even heard it!

Round House Kick for Freedom

You see, the issue was yesterday afternoon. After a rousing workout and a few business items taken care of (got to pay those stripper filled credit card bills!) I went out to do some yard work. While it is well known and documented that I do not actually do any work whatsoever, usually because I am Skiing, diving, or training with Chuck Norris and his team of Tibetan fighting monks,I do like to do my own yard work from time to time. Makes me feel more manly, which is a feat that is not easily obtained, let me tell you!

So as I began to pull on my weed-wacker (thats what we call it here in Florida, don’t judge us because we’re flat), I realize quickly a pressure was building. I pulled and tugged and try as I might I couldn’t get it started. Rather than checking for normal issues, such as the gas tank being empty, I did what any normal and intelligent human being would do: I went to my computer (in the Air Conditioning) and researched on why my mighty man-grip couldn’t start this feeble string-start machine of weed-eatery.

After several clicks and two porn pop ups (aren’t those distracting?) I found my grip was not strong enough! Upon further research I found my solution: A HandJob! Now I was skeptical as well guys, especially because I don’t like it when a website questions my grip, but the HandJob seems to be a sure fire cure. I mean, how can you deny a product with a commercial like this?

I think not! I’ve ordered mine, so we’ll see how this Handjob improves my already insanely mighty chest hair producing grip. Until then, stay manly guys.