For the Unmanly practice of Manbunning

Revoke his Man Card?

8 Yes
2 No

Revokee: Matthew Shreve

Reason For Revocation:

For the unjust practice of sporting a top-knot Manbun for the purpose of keeping the bangs out of the eyes, and for possible cosmetic reasons. This is in direct violation of one of the oldest standards of male hair growth.

“Growing it out” is a rite of passage. As a man partaking in this ancient and sacred ritual, you are not to style your hair as a woman can, neither for cosmetic or aesthetic purposes. You must either (A) part the hair/comb it back in a suitable fashion (B) Wear a hat or other types of headgear that are not fedoras/trilbys (C) Deal with it, because you’re a man.

In order to achieve the long desirable mane, a man must face the trials and tribulations of the dreaded “King Arthur Phase”. Having long hair is a sign of patience, commitment, and to show the world you can stick with something. To *style your growing hair in a Manbun is an affront to these values.

I hereby order your Man Card to be placed on suspension (1st penalty). Reinstatement to be determined once the hair has be rehabilitated.

*acceptable styles for long hair on men are low ponytails, no ponytails, parted with the natural hairline or if the man has a cowlick. Braids are also acceptable for the working environment. Also, if there is a hazardous environment (i.e. OSHA regulated job sites) only then the man is allowed to put the hair in a bun-type fashion, and CAN NOT refer to it as “Man Bun” but simply as “putting your hair up”.

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