Bud Quotes

Bud has had adventures in this lifetime that most older people cannot match. And through these adventures, he has gained knowledge and wisdom beyond his years. We have captured these quips, or “Bud Quote” as we call them, and picked the very best for you to read. Enjoy.

“If a Bear shits in the woods, should you eat it?”

“Well one time I was out hiking when I came up on a Native American Tribe. They saw I was the white man, but quickly saw the Cherokee blood within me. The chief asked me to stay for a few days and share news from the world. My stay grew to a week, where I learned the ways of the Native Americans. As my stay with the chief came to a close he took me deep into the woods. Eventually he stopped at a large, steamy pile of bear shit. He then looked down upon it and then to me, saying ‘Bud, You must never forget what you have learned at our tribe. I leave you with one final piece of great knowledge: If a bear shits in the woods, should you eat it?’ “

“Pussy should be like milk, it should come with an expiration date!”

“I had this girlfriend a while back. She was a beauty. Did anything I asked her to. Only problem was she wouldn’t buy new milk when it went bad and when I’d go to have a bowl of my Post Toasties, it would come out all lumpy. So one night we’re fooling around, and she’s begging for me to give it to her. So I slowly slide down between her legs and spread them apart, about to dive in for a good time, when I caught a smell of something you will never forget. I jumped back and yelled out ‘Damn baby! Pussy should be like milk, it should come with an expiration date!’. Had to get rid of her after that. Turns out it wasn’t the spoiled milk stinkin up the apartment, it was her. I still get body shivers when I look at that milk in the fridge.”

“Sure, its all fun and games until somebody shits their underwear!”

“Back in the day I played little league football. I was the quarterback, and the best one there was! Sadly, as I was on my way to becoming a pro, little Jimmy Jones ruined my career. On one hot summer day a few NFL scouts came to my little league game, the last game of the season. The coach told me it was my day, and once they saw me make the winning touchdown I would be picked up for sure. So we walked onto the field, and as Jimmy Jones began to hike the ball to me the mexican burrito that his mom had packed him for lunch brought both him and I a great misfortune. Jimmy violently shit his pants. It was so volatile that it passed through his uniform and as the ball was passing between his legs it became covered in Jimmy’s acidic burrito shit. I saw this, but there was nothing I could do. I caught the ball, and Jimmy’s Unearthly Biohazard-Grade shit began to eat through the outer layer of skin on my hands. One emergency room visit later and I was no longer playing football. All my father could say was “Sure, its all fun and games until somebody shits their underwear!”

“If God didn’t want us to commit adultery, why did He make your girlfriend such a slut?”

“Sadly, I recently lost a friend. My good friend Bobby and I had worked together for a long time. His girlfriend also worked with us. At the office they were always sweet and cute to one another, but she had a reputation for being somewhat, well, ‘unfaithful”. So one day I went into the copy room to make a copy and she came in after me. One thing left to another and there was an office orgy going on, as in any company. Bobby walked in, and was in shock to see his girlfriend being rotisseried by two co-workers. The only thing he could blirt out, being a man of the faith, was ‘Thats adultry!’. I couldn’t help myself, so I turned to him and said ‘Well If God didn’t want us to commit adultery, why did He make your girlfriend such a slut?’ “

More Bud Quote’s and Stories to come soon!