OMC Zombie Survival Plan
In keeping with Simon’s unintentional “Zombie Survival Week”, I figure we all need a plan. With thousands of Man Card Members spread out worldwide, there is no way we could survive the zombiepocalypse (See what I did there?) apart. Together, however, we would be a formidable foe against an undead, hungry and probably unmanly army of zombies.
Whats the first thing to do? Well, we’re gonna need some gear. Check the list below and make sure you have all this at the ready, in case the Zombie shit hits the proverbial bio-chemical, supernatural, kind of crazy fan.
Official Man Card – Really? It should be in your wallet already. Not only approved identification when the world turns to hell, but a damn good zombie eye poker.
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A Tactical Sling Pack like the one seen here. Why one of these smaller packs? Well, it immediately kills your knee jerk reaction to grab everything of somewhat perceived value in your home and only bring the essentials. Hugs your back nice and prevents zombie hands from finding hold on a Jansport zipper string.
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So the S has made contact with the F and your running for your life – Tacbag in hand – in Aeropostle Sandals. No Man Card holder is going to make it 25 feet (7.62 meters for everyone else) without proper footwear! Hey, many of us here at the OMC headquarters are guilty of this ourselves – Miami is great for sandal wearing. Problem is, I hear the average Zombie is a sucker for feet. Damn sick bastards and their Brain and foot fetish. Thats why you need to have some good ol’ fashion military boots. Proper zombie face crushing and Spartan kicking requires proper foot coverage. Otherwise those infected teeth are going to start chomping. Along with these two key elements you need a knife, firearm of choice, waterproof flairs, Revoked Cards, a few days MRE’s. The usual – its not like I’m talking rocket science people. Its just the zombiepocalypse (again, genius wordplay).
So we’ve got our gear together, now where the hell do we meet up? Strength in numbers I say, especially when fighting undead. After discussing with Simon, I feel it would be best for everyone to group into two bases – Asian/European and the Americas. We’ll then meet in the middle – Australia – where the zombie infection hasn’t spread yet (I hear it takes damn long for trend’s to get down there). There should be enough Roo’ and Koala jerky to go around, and we can build a base in the outback. Hopefully we don’t run out of Bloomin’ Onion Sauce.
Stay manly…
2 Comments
good plan except for one slight flaw, what if its a rabid Koala that starts the whole mess? I’d also like to propose a man pact, any unmanly behavior will be grounds to be left behind.
A Rabid Koala couldn’t have started it. As stated before, Australia takes a while to get trends – therefore any sort of viral zombie like infection will probably start up here on the “regular hemisphere” where we have normal winters and summers.
Another flaw in the “rabid Koala” question would be, if there were rabit, zombified Koalas, I have it on good authority they would just be BBQ’ed and eaten. Problem solved.