Assholes Finish First – Book Review

Sergio and Tucker Max

Manly Men

Back in late September we featured a interview with the legendary Tucker Max. He had just released Assholes Finish First, his follow up to his New York Times Bestselling book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

After reading IHTSBIH I was super excited to read AFF, and boy was I not disappointed. AFF picks up where IHTSBIH leaves off. Tucker has a blast at Duke harassing the nerds and chumps hoping to get into the lottery for Duke Basketball tickets (mega phones rule for the record). He continues to get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, have loads, and loads of crazy sex, talk shit to anyone who he feels deserves it (which is usually everyone) and writes it out for all of us to enjoy. Midway through the book Tucker shares his post fame stories which are often hilarious. There is a whole section devoted to deflowering virgins, and yes hilarity does ensue.

Assholes Finish First

Official Man Card Approved

The most refreshing aspect of AFF is that unlike IHTSBIH you see glimpses of Tucker “the man” aka the REAL Tucker Max. He even admits that he is not drunk 24/7 and has indeed been in a committed relationship. Tucker even wants to eventually settle down and someday have children of his own.

I had the chance to actually meet Tucker and as of October 17th now has his Official Man Card. AFF concludes with a preview of Tucker’s next book titled “Hilarity Ensues” which is due sometime in 2011. I personally cannot wait for that next gem in the trilogy that is Tucker Max. I truly feel that if IHTSBIH is the Old Testament and AFF is the New Testament and together they make up a bible of epic manliness. So if you haven’t already rush out to your local store and pick up I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and Assholes Finish First.

Take a look at an excerpt from the book after the jump.

Signed by Tucker Max

"Sergio, Thanks for the Man Card" - Tucker Max

Here is a little taste as to what you can expect in Assholes Finish First. This is an excerpt from “The Midget Story”.

We all have dreams. Martin Luther King dreamt of racial harmony. Larry Hagman dreamt of Jeannie. For over a decade, I dreamt of fucking a midget. One weekend in July of 2006, I finally achieved my dream. It went down like this:

I was at the gym when I got this text message from my buddy DrunkasaurusRex. He likes to play with my emotions, so I never take his text messages seriously:

5:51pm DrunkRex: There is a midget convention at the Hilton in Milwaukee here with my girlfriend and [soylentgreen] is here too.

5:52pm Tucker: Fuck you

5:53pm Drunkrex: I’m dead serious

5:54pm Tucker: I hate you

5:56pm Drunkrex: Soylent has a free roundtrip ticket

6:00pm Tucker: STOP TEASING

He called me a few minutes later, when I was at home, wiping off the sweat and about to cook dinner.

DrunkRex “Did you get my message? I am in Milwaukee with my girlfriend…and there is a midget convention in town this weekend.”
Tucker “I got your fucking message. Come on man, stop playing.”
DrunkRex “Tucker, I am DEAD serious. They are everywhere. It’s like the circus and The Wizard of Oz are in town at the same time. I swear on my life there are hundreds of midgets here.”
[10 second pause]
Tucker “I am on the next flight.”

It took me about 40 seconds to throw clothes into a duffle bag. Another 20 seconds to sprint out the door and onto Park Avenue. I was in a cab to La Guardia within two minutes of getting the call. The TV and lights were still on in my apartment, I’d left the steak I was going to eat for dinner thawing in the sink, and I was still covered in gym sweat.

None of that mattered; I was finally going to fuck a midget….

For the rest of this story go pick up Assholes Finish First in stores now.

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7 Comments

  1. Profile photo of Jane Doe Jane Doe says:

    Dang it took you long enough to get it up Serg! lol. Jesus my breasteses look huge!! I forget how big those things really are 😉

  2. Profile photo of Sergio Sergio says:

    Yeah, there was a brief delay in the editing process lol. Trust me I remember how big they are 😉

  3. Profile photo of Sergio Sergio says:

    and yes gents those signed breasteses belong to Ms. Jane Doe!

  4. Profile photo of Simon Simon says:

    “Dang it took you long enough to get it up Serg!” , sorry, sorry but … Thats what she said …

  5. Profile photo of Sergio Sergio says:

    haha leave it to you Simon to pick out the one statement in this and take your mind further into the gutter….well played Simon, well played indeed.

  6. Profile photo of Jane Doe Jane Doe says:

    Hahahah well at least Simon picked up on that. Trust me I don’t think it is possible for anyone to take my mind further into the gutter than it already is 😉

  7. Profile photo of Sergio Sergio says:

    well had I had a better view then it would’ve been up in seconds Jane…and furthermore I would like to know more about this mind in gutter thing…you have my email 😉

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